Let Him Be Alone

“He will come to me tonight,” Sara murmured to herself. She was worried this time. She and Tom, her husband, had fought several times before, but he always apologized before a week passed. She was sure about his love toward herself. She knew how he cared about her. She was actually his only friend besides his wife. He had been always alone and preferred his loneliness and passed most of his time alone by himself. He didn’t allow anyone to come into his inner circle. He had no friends among his mates from boys, even. Girls were a harder matter. He was cute and smart, and his good grades attracted many girls toward him at first. But he was happy with himself and appeared to don’t care about anyone, so every girl, who approached him was taken aback after a while.
But Sara was different. She was determined to go into his inner circle. She tried hard and didn’t give up until Tom finally trusted her and showed her some of his inner thoughts. Every time Tom revealed some part of himself, Sara was surprised how interesting this shy, asocial boy is. As time passed Sara felt that she is going to love him. She at first tried to show indirectly her passion, and force him to come forward first. But Tom was not such a guy, and it appeared that he never even knows about these things. She had to confess her love herself to him. She could see joy and happiness in his eyes but even then he said nothing. He avoided her eye contact and looked everywhere randomly as a child that is escaping questioning after a mistake. Suddenly but mechanically he hugged her tight. That was all. He didn’t even try to kiss her. But she had had enough time with Tom to know a fact about him. He was scared to death from revealing his inner thoughts and emotions to others. Sara had learned how she could understand his emotions indirectly. So she felt that he is really in love with her. He didn’t need to say it clearly, and at the right time she will force him to say it aloud. She could make a perfect man and lover from this shy, alone boy.
But she was wrong. Even after years of being in a relationship, and even after marriage, she couldn’t change a bit of his personality. Their relationship at home was okay, except that Tom didn’t talk to her very much and he didn’t say to her “I love you,” even rarely. But in the vicinity of relatives and friends, Tom and Sara were famous for being an asocial couple. Tom was afraid of being in public, even the most the society of relatives and close friends of Sara. Sara had to go to parties alone, and she had to come home early. He was completely dependent on her. He was not easy when left alone in the house.
But at home, he didn’t devote all his time to Sara, too. As a freelance software and web developer, he almost always remained at home and was behind the keyboard doing his projects.
But his performance in the bedroom was satisfactory, except the fact that he was quite similar to a robot. He did well but never spoke during lovemaking. He never looked in her eyes. He never thanked her after he was done. Except for these problems, he acted vigorously and well in bed.
He needed her almost every night. Every day all day and until late at night, he tried to work and solve problems of his ongoing projects. Late at night, he was either successful, so he was quite happy, or unsuccessful and depressed. If happy to cheer up, if sad to calm down, In both cases he needed to sex. Sara always tried to satisfy him, because he became very sad at occasions she refused him.
After a while, Sara thought about the possibility of using that need against him. She fought him when he refused to do something. She refused him for days until he was desperate and would finally come to her for an apology. There were the times Sara could force him to promise to do something she desired. He sometimes presented in family parties, and even he agreed for a holiday journey to a foreign country, that during the trip he was forbidden to bring his laptop. Sara was happy, but she could feel that she was actually torturing him. “But it is good for himself,” she thought. “He will be okay soon.”
But this last time the fight between them was not such a previous one. He had made his voice louder than ever. For the first time, he showed his anger. Sara was afraid of him. She was scared. She thought she may lose him, and she knew how he was depended to her. He will die without me.
It was now 10 days from that fighting moment. She couldn’t wait for more. She would go to him and tell him that she will leave him in his own manner, and from today, she won’t try to change him.
She was lying down on the bed and her back was to the door. She felt someone is stealthy coming inside. That must be Tom. He comes at last. She felt the weight of him on the bed. He gently lay down beside her and hugged her from behind. He held her tight and suddenly she knew he was crying. She thought how cruel she could be to do this to him. This was the first time Tom was crying in the presence of her. He began to sob. She didn’t know what to say.
“Forgive me,” Tom finally said. “I was selfish, whole this time. Please help me.”
“I’m sorry,” said Sara. “Calm down. I am to blame for this. I respect your personality from now.”
“No, this is not your fault. I used to be a cheerful child until …”
After a minute of silence, Sara finally asked: “until what?”
“I need to talk to a psychoanalyst …”

2 thoughts on “Let Him Be Alone

  1. Very interesting! The end left me wanting more, and making many different speculations about what might have happened to him! I think it is awful to go into a relationship thinking you can change the person. If you can’t accept the person as they are, then maybe the relationship is not meant to be.

    Like

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